And the chemo rolls on...

Brynlee finished her three days of chemo on Friday, and she did well with everything and continues to do well. The chemo drugs she was given this round don't seem to be as harsh on Brynlee as the last round, so she seems to be feeling okay for the most part.

We decided to postpone our Thanksgiving dinner until Friday, but the hospital gave us a free Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. It wasn't too bad. My cousin, Heather, also joined us for the day. In the afternoon, Heather and I headed home and we had a pizza dinner with my parents and the girls while Blair stayed with Brynlee at the hospital. Blair enjoyed playing Lego Pirates of the Caribbean on the XBox 360 that was in Brynlee's room. After they arrived home from the hospital on Friday, we had our Thanksgiving Feast, including our four pies for six people.

Saturday marked Brynlee turning ten months old. Saturday was also the first day that I noticed that her first tooth had cut through. It will be interesting to see how Brynlee's teeth turn out after all of this. I am nervous about all of the long-term effects that she is going to have. This is constantly on my mind. The last few weeks for me have been rough. It's been about three months since this all started. I'm tired. I feel sad that I can hardly remember my pre-cancer baby. Looking at pictures, she looks so different. It's hard to remember what physical capabilities she had before this. I feel sad that the journey we were preparing to undertake is no longer a possibility, at least not for the entire family. I feel sad knowing that not only does she have to fight cancer and will have to undergo more surgery, more chemo, possible radiation, and years of scans and needle pokes and whatnot, but she also has the possibility of being physically disabled and developmentally delayed in addition to long-term effects from chemo, which we have no idea what those might be. I am sad that her first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthday are overshadowed by cancer, at least she doesn't know any different, but my other girls do. How can you not have anxiety about the future? I try to not let it consume my life, but it is also impossible to run away from. Life is certainly different than what I thought it was going to be three months ago. Life is crazy and sometimes seems unfair. Trying to express my emotions into words is nearly impossible. There are just some emotions that simply cannot be expressed in words.